I had the kind of week recently that kind of knocks you backwards – not in a major way, but as a test that helps you know whether all the things you thought you had learned will really hold up in the light of day. This, of course, is a good thing because it is relatively easy to gain head knowledge, but transferring it to your heart and having it become fruit in your life is not always as easy and can be painful.
I may think that I am a loving, truthful, secure person who is not too attached to my ego, but will this hold true when tested in a real life situation? I actually had several of those kinds of situations that week, and, I have to admit, I did not always like what I saw in myself. This, too, can be a good thing. I want the light to expose my inner life, I want my eyes to be open. How else can I progress down this path of my life? I don’t want to be stuck, and I don’t want to be deceived about myself.
Even the fact that I didn’t live up to my own expectations of myself taught me lessons that I probably need to learn – self acceptance and self forgiveness. Accepting where I am at and forgiving myself for not being perfect don’t mean that I won’t do better next time; actually I am more likely to do better if I can accept and forgive myself.
At the end of that week I had another one of those “knock you backwards” things happen, only this time it was in the form of a “coincidence” that showed me that I really am on the path and I am not alone. I am part of a bigger picture, not unimportant, and contributing to the beautiful fabric of life even when I stumble a little. I think it’s called grace. . .